Tight Rope Walking

Fantasy

The crowds have gathered there are familiar faces all around. Peering from the crowds are gawking little eyes. None  in which you can make out from the ladder. There are cheers in excitement to see what the outcome will be. Then there are the loud whispers that chant "What is wrong with her" , "She's crazy", "She doesn't know what she is doing , this will never work out".  For a second you use the loud whispers as a source of motivation. Telling your self "I know what they think but I know I can do this".  Your chasing after a dream with no end in sight. The crowd chants and screams as you step up to the platform.  The umbrella is opened and there is no looking back the first foot slowly touches the rope. Your ankle twitches a little and the cool breeze traces the outline of your body as it blows around you. The slightest light wind sends a trace of doubt in your mind. A few steps and it feels like a dream. Nothing could be more intoxicating and invigorating then the rush of doing the impossible. Then just as you have the flow down the cool calm  breeze turns rocky. The rope starts to shake and your grounding has now begun to fail you.

Reality
Tight rope walking is a lot like chasing dreams. The performer steps up on a tensioned wire that's held down at two points. With the end not close in sight a tool usually an umbrella is held in order to manipulate and maintain balance. How often are we chasing things on a tensioned level? What is grounding and manipulating us? I chase after the longings of my heart knowing that at some point along this act I'll lose balance. I never understood how can one maintain a grounding with so much going on around. "Seek, inquire of and for the Lord, and crave Him and His strength (His might and inflexibility to temptation); seek and require His face and His presence [continually] evermore". -Psalms 105:4.. As I try to figure it out I think of Psalms 105: 4. What is it I am craving and desiring that requires ME, irrelevant ME to feel as though I must give all of myself for that will in return not give it self for me.. A reality check is needed.. For my Lord must always be my tight rope and umbrella throughout this life. If ever I feel like I'm slipping, falling, the chants of the nay sayers or the thoughts in the depths of my head doubt my progress and how far I have come it is not for me to manipulate and try to find my own grounding, for my Lord has always searched after and found me. "What man of you, if he has a hundred sheep and should lose one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness (desert) and go after the one that is lost until he finds it"? Luke 15:4
 

Uninvited Guests

      Peeking  through the blinds.. You realize they show up unannounced, not suspected, without any warning. Their right at your front door, your living room, your quite space, your mothers house even at times in your bedroom... They don't mind showing up in the bathroom or even your unknown hiding place just to  remind you of all the wrong you've done. The pain, the hurt, betrayal and devastation. They refuse to leave better yet they have gotten quite comfortable in your dwelling space. They reside in your mind and soul. Alter your whole being... You can't sleep at night, it sends you in a state of paranoia never knowing when they'll show up! You reflect on the past every chance you get and still no matter what you conjure up in your mind they just won't leave.. Uninvited guests one and the same as unwanted memories...

         Shaking memories or dreams is very hard to do.. Too many times people get so consumed in a life they once had that the memories create kind of like an escape world for them to go to. Which leaves them nonexistent to those around them trying to enjoy their company. Other times people just can't shake a situation or event that happened in their life, at a moments notice they will be sent back to that place. They can recall the time, smell in the air and even feel those same gut wrenching emotions all over again. Sending them on a downward spiral. People can be too afraid to say what is really going on with them. If you feel like you don't have any friends in the world or someone who will listen without judging try Jesus. Just try calling on him and talking things through. My prayer would be for you today that you are freed from the slavery of the mind from those haunting memories. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will" (The Bible: Roman 12: 2). Then take it a step further when you ready and reach out to someone..  We've all been there!! :)

Laissez les bons temps rouler! (Let the good times roll)

Fantasy

 

Shouting and signing badly : Hey now Hey now Iko Iko un day while walking down Decatur street. Nothing but a good time, good people and food all around. Ever feel like nothing could bring you down or take away your moment.  The party is just another Tuesday night in the quarter and people are celebrating life. I glance over and wonder how could life get better? Every problem , worry and shade of doubt melts away as I realize this is where I need to be. The flickers of glimmer from the old gas lanterns reveal a smirk on my face. This city has to be explored! There are so many alleys, corners, stores , shops and secrets hidden here. Never have I felt so drawn to a city, im in love.  I think my next adventure has chosen me and who am I not to comply. The night is still young!

Reality 

 

 All I can think is how did I end up here. Walking down a random alley 4 in the morning. Every corner is lit up with a million little gas lanterns. I'm watching my steps seeing as their are about 3,000 people all crowded on this block within these quarters. Feathers are flying, peoples faces hidden behind mask, a million Daiquiri places around but none of this appeals to me. What catches my eye is the multi colored Mardi Gras beads, the trumpet players on the corner,  the sweet aroma of powdered sugar from beignets and the way the old brick buildings create amazing shadows in the night. In all its mighty, mystery and partying this places is not to be mistaken as just a vacation retreat. This city can also be a jail holding people captive to their wildest desires and the link to their downfall. To me its a new adventure, a chance on reinvention, a vehicle to ministry, opportunity to grow, start a new chapter as a grad student and to perfect my craft by reaching  some of the many broken people within this world.. Ahh,  another day in the life woman who still views herself as the girl who refuses to stop dreaming. I'm just the woman behind the mask screaming : Laissez les bons temps rouler!! Baby let's let the Good times roll!! 

The Great Illusionist

Reality

I have never meet someone who was better at illusions then YOU! No matter the day or time you can make me feel like there is something there and then within the next second it seems like it was just in my perception. Have you ever had someone in your life that was able to make you feel, see, sense something but turns out there were no feelings, you were blinded to the obvious and you have no 6th sense? I am so tired of the illusions , the smokey mirror, the extra strings and the trapped doors. STOP escaping ever stuck scenario. I need you to be caught in the moment and just realize this trick is no trick at all. In any small second it could become REAL!!

Fantasy

 Here at this very moment I sit on the edge of my seat. We have all gathered to see the magic you can do. All of us believe that someway this is real. You can make people disappear, bunnies come out of hats and chop up people and have them still be whole! So your assistant Deceit brings out a box. Normal enough , we have all seen the trick where the magician is closed in a box drowning in water , chained until they can figure a way out. You seem so nonchalant like the idea of drowning doesn't even phase you. You climb in for all to see , chained down. They start to pour in the water and the seal is closed. Two minutes go by, then four then six but when it reaches seven you seem to panic. The struggle on your face can be seen , the crowd starts to outrage and I clinch my seat. A part of the audience came to see a show but I came to see reality. The reality that if  Deceit can not break you out of  the box this just may be the end of your illusion. You can no longer claim to be the Greatest Illusionist alive. Your stage assistant comes running out with a hammer of truth. As you fall out of the broken box you realize this is the end. No one believes you anymore, we can see straight through your tricks. The captivation of your magic is gone and I REFUSE TO BE TRICKED BY YOU AGAIN!



Faith in a Glass Cabinet

So I know I haven't posted in a while. I really just forgot my log in... I know, I know but luckily I found it! Well this post is going to take a different turn. In my life right now I am at a point where REALITY is a headache. I find myself lately keeping some faith in a glass. Now that may not make any sense trust it makes no sense to me either. I put away a dream I hold dear to my heart hoping one day it will happen. I place a want that I desire in the glass along with it. Now this glass is made up of all these things but inside the glass is a little faith. Only a little, I can't bare to put a lot nor do I trust myself to. I don't want to have to sit in despair and disappointment. So if these things don't happen I'll just break the glass all together and clear all the shelves. I'll leave room for nothing not even a reflection because I'm sure the women I used to be won't be the same ever again.. Maybe Ill break the cabinet also, it's probably just taking up space.  Im sure I would end up buying another cabinet but next time no glasses I'll just take whatever comes along and store it away..

Call me SuperWoman

Today has been one of those days where I feel totally accomplished, sexy, smart and together... Right?!! At least that's how I think a women should feel everyday. Well I got a major french project done. J'ai fait un bonne travil!!  I spend countless hours on school work, at work, cooking, cleaning and taking care of business. I never get  time to just enjoy. I suppose that will come later maybe after grad school and serving. I took time out to day dream in one of my classes today. I found myself thinking about traveling to all my dream places. At the top of the list is Egypt, India and France. Oh no worry if I have a child or two they'll come along. I can totally see me on the back of a camel dressed fresh in gold and white linen while my baby who is hung low near my chest protected from the dessert sun. Or even eating dinner at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris with my 5 inch heels, a fresh summer skirt and lace chemuiser top dinning on champagne and chocolate covered strawberries with my baby in the stroller and pouring my husband a glass!  Ohh but those trips will just be taken when I'm done with my philanthropy work in 3rd world country's orphanage's. A far stretch you say, ha ha you must not know me!!

Fantasy

Whoosh, flying in from a hard night. I caught 18 rapist, 6 murders, 20 drug dealers, ended the world of poverty and took away all sadness!! Ugh , I don't even want to think about what tomorrow will bring. I look out the window and I am amazed. Now the citizens can sleep in peace. But what about me, why should I carry all these things on my heart, why do I feel like I have to do this every night. I just can't understand why I always do this to myself. Now I am tired beyond belief and there is still work to do. As I kick off my shoes, take off my stockings and this extremely barely there outfit I feel alone. Oh you ask about the outfit, not only do I have to do good but I have to be a maintain this image of a unrealistic fantasy, only unrealistic if you are not me!! Now I'm lying in bed , it's just me. The real me, no frills, high heels and or capes. Just my aching head, my tired eyes, and wanting heart! Who saves is there to save the hero after she saves the world??

Reality

To all those women being superwomen, from one women to another it's appreciated. But do realise we can't do it all that's why we have God. Don't give up to much of yourself. At times our hearts can get in the way of reality but rest assure God gives us all a job and where you leave off there is always an appointed finisher!!  Always stay within His will!! Rest up there is more people to save tomorrow!!

Breaking Glass

So this will be me venting!! I am tired of people calling and telling me what I should do.. Like I need you to keep reminding me of things I am already trying to do. Your calling is unnecessary. How about you call and ask so how far have you got in this or has this worked out yet. Do NOT call me with your nonsense I am not answering those calls now!! Ugh if your not going be any help then just remove yourself and YES I can be upset, cry and whatever else I want to do. It's MY LIFE, MY PERSONALITY and MY DECISIONS.. Live your Life and I will definitely Live Mine!!
Fantasy

Sitting in the kitchen I begin to wash the dishes. I reach over to grab a wine glass and this  irating screech can be heard. The glass now has a little crack. I think oh well maybe they will just shut up soon. It's ok things like this happens when you have noisy neighbors. I examine the glass and notice that its fine crystal has now cracks all over. I want to run over to the neighbors and say SHUT UP!! But whatever maybe I will just throw it away.  As I pick the glass up it completely shatters in my had.  This perfect pigmented glass is completely in pieces.  I cannot believe it I lost a nice glass and cut my hand. I realise that blood is  seeping out and I have to take time out to nurse the wound, before I clean up the mess.... I gather my bloody hand run out the door and bang on the neighbors door. A rage takes over and all I can say is.... I don't need you to quiet down I NEED YOU TO MOVE THE HELL OUT, BETTER YET I WILL!!